You don’t need to have all the answers. It’s enough that you feel it’s time for a change.
If you often think about yourself:
“If I were more motivated, everything would look different” — this text is for you.
Low energy. Procrastination. The feeling that others are doing better, faster, more effectively. And that quiet but persistent “I should” that accompanies you almost every day.
Many people come to me convinced that their problem is a lack of motivation. Very often, however, the real issue is something entirely different: too much pressure — further intensified by constant comparison to others.
A harmful myth: “I need to motivate myself more”
For years, we’ve been told that if something isn’t working, it means we’re not trying hard enough, we’re not disciplined enough, we lack motivation.
Personal development has often reinforced this message:
You want change? Motivate yourself more. Push harder. Stop making excuses. Become a better version of yourself.
But many of us are already living in a constant state of “pushing” — driven by demands, roles, expectations, and the pace of everyday life.
Adding more pressure in the name of motivation rarely helps. Much more often, it leads to exhaustion and burnout.
A lack of motivation does not mean a lack of desire
You can truly want change and at the same time not have enough energy to implement it. That’s not a contradiction. It’s information.
Information that: your system is overloaded, you’ve been operating beyond your capacity for too long, there is no space left for “even more.”
In this state, a drop in motivation is not a problem to fix. It is a warning signal that is worth listening to.
Pressure and motivation do not go together
Pressure is often confused with motivation, because it can work — in the short term.
It may mobilise you briefly — through fear, guilt, or comparison with others.
But in the long run, pressure increases tension, lowers your sense of agency, and leads to avoidance and procrastination.
Why does this happen?
Because pressure activates a very primal signal:
“I am not safe. My resources are not enough to handle this. I need to defend myself or withdraw.”
For the nervous system, there is little difference between real danger and psychological pressure.
When you feel that: you are constantly being evaluated, you are falling behind, you are “not enough,”
your body reacts as if something is truly threatening your safety.
Fight, flight, or freeze mode is activated.
And in that state, it’s difficult to think clearly, make decisions, or act calmly and consistently.
This is not a lack of willpower. This is biology.
Why comparison weakens your ability to act
Comparing yourself to others often happens automatically.
You scroll, you look, you evaluate — and even if it feels casual, your body responds.
Comparison almost always activates a narrative:
“I’m not doing enough.”
“Others are further ahead.”
“There’s something wrong with me.”
For the nervous system, this is a signal of social threat — one of the strongest there is.
It means a risk of rejection, of being worse, of being not enough.
The more you compare yourself, the more tension builds, the less access you have to your energy, and the harder it becomes to act in alignment with yourself.
Not because you’re incapable.
But because acting under the pressure of comparison removes your sense of safety — and without that, motivation has nowhere to emerge.
Instead of “how do I motivate myself?”
Instead of asking “How can I force myself to act?”, try asking:
- “What is weighing on me the most right now?”
- “Where am I adding pressure instead of reducing it?”
- “In what situations do I most often compare myself to others, and how can I limit that?”
Motivation does not come from force. Motivation appears when the body feels safe.
And this is where emotional regulation begins — the ability to calm the nervous system and return to a state where action does not require fighting yourself.
You can read more about what emotional regulation really is — and why it has nothing to do with “controlling yourself” — in the next blog post.
Relief instead of pressure — and everything changes
When pressure drops, the body relaxes, thoughts become less chaotic, it becomes easier to solve problems and find the energy to act. And suddenly, everything stops feeling like a heroic effort.
Very often, a quiet thought appears:
“Nothing bad will happen if I try. If I do this.”
It’s not spectacular.
But this is what lasting change actually looks like.
Would you like to explore how this could look for you?
If you feel relief while reading this — and at the same time curiosity:
“How would I act if it felt lighter?” — I invite you to get in touch.
You can:
• send me a message
• ask a question
• explore whether my way of working is right for you
In my work, I support women who:
• are tired of constant “I should”
• no longer want to motivate themselves at their own expense
• want to act without comparison and pressure
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I combine mindset work with Solution Focused Hypnotherapy to help you reclaim agency in a way that is gentle, safe, and tailored to you.
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